


Kneel

by liars_dance



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 10:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liars_dance/pseuds/liars_dance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean and Viggo seem to have reached a watershed...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kneel

"What is it? Do you want me to beg to swallow you down? Is that what you want? Because I can beg real pretty, Sean. I'm a good boy – and I'm real good at sucking you. And I know you like me on my knees with my lips all wet and waiting for your cock."

Sean glances round to see Viggo slide off the sofa and onto his knees on the floor. "Shut up – and get up, you wanker." Sean spits the words out before turning back to the window. "I don't want that. In fact, I don't think I want you anymore."

Viggo's shoulders slump. _Great. So I travel all this way and I get this?_ His gaze fixes on the yellowed and shrivelled lower leaf on the rubber plant by the window and he finds himself inexplicably wondering why Sean hadn't gotten round to taking it off. "So now you want me to go?" he asks, slowly levering himself off the floor and back onto the sofa. "Well that's just fine with me. I need to sleep way more than I need this shit..."

"Yes - no..." Sean sighs and rests his forehead against the cool glass. "What I want is the truth, Viggo," he replies. "Just this once, yeah? Some fucking honesty for a change."

"Give me a break," Viggo mutters, rubbing at his jet-lagged eyes. "I've _always_ been honest with you, Sean. You just don't listen – because the truth isn't what you like to hear."

"Truth, Viggo?" Sean repeats, swinging round to face the beautiful, bare-chested, but tired looking man sitting on his sofa. "You wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and bit you on the arse."

"Leave my ass out of this," Viggo replies, looking up to meet Sean's angry gaze. "The truth is as it's always been. When I'm with you there's no place else I want to be. But I can't be with you all the time; I have other things I want to do and a life I want to lead. It's as simple as that."

"Nothing's as simple as that. And you mean you don't want to be with me all the time," Sean retorts, lowering his head like a goaded bull. "So why can't you just say it?"

"I didn't say it before and I'm not saying it now because it's not what I mean. When I say I can't do it, I mean I _can't_ ," Viggo replies evenly, refusing to rise to Sean's bait. "It's just not possible for me to live the role you want me to play in your life for any more time than I do and still be the person I am."

"Because you don't want to!" Sean shouts the words across the short distance between them, though right at this moment it feels like a chasm. He turns back to look out of the window, his hands curled into fists. "It amounts to the same thing, Viggo, so why can't you just admit it?"

Viggo looks at Sean's tense form and closes his eyes briefly before pushing himself up from the sofa. "If you mean do I want to be a slave to your mood and sexual needs, wear a cock-ring and a collar and leash and be punished for being a bad boy for more time than I do already, then no – I don't want to." Viggo pauses then takes a step towards his part time lover. "But that doesn't mean I don't want _you_ – because I do. When I can take it all – the pain and the pleasure – and in doing that I please you and give you pleasure, then I'm happy. I just can't do it all the time – because I wouldn't be me if I did. Don't you see? The person I am, the father I am and the friend I am would be eroded away. You must understand that, Sean, because it has to be the same for you."

When Sean doesn't respond immediately, Viggo turns away, scanning the room for his discarded shirt. He might be dog tired and it might be very late in the evening but suddenly a cab ride and a bed in an anonymous hotel room was exactly what he needed... Viggo has his shirt, socks and boots back on before Sean speaks.  
  
"Wait, Viggo. Don't go - please..."  
  
 _Did you just say please?_ "Sean, I need to sleep."  
  
"I know, but I want to talk about that first time it went wrong," Sean replies. "I want to know if that's when _everything_ started to go wrong."  
  
Viggo sighs and stifles a yawn. He really could do without this right now. "We've talked about this before, Sean. We _agreed_ roles, obligations and a safeword at the start, but trust was something that needed to be built over time."  
  
"I know," Sean murmurs. "But that night, when you had to say the word, how did you feel?"  
  
"I told you how I felt back then - and again since," Viggo mutters, fatigue threatening to overwhelm him now. He takes the few steps to the sofa and flops down onto it, leaning back against the cushions and closing his eyes.  
  
"Please, Viggo. Help me here."  
  
 _Another please, Sean?_ Viggo breathes deeply as he remembers that night. "I was restrained in a position where I could barely move and what you were telling me to do was impossible. And yet still I wanted to do it - because above all else I wanted to please you." He pauses and moistens his dry lips but keeps his eyes closed. "I could feel the sense of fear building and it was distracting me from doing what you had instructed. I found it harder and harder to breathe through the pain. I was blindfolded so you couldn't see my eyes - and I couldn't see yours. I knew I would be disciplined if I had been able to look at you, but that didn't matter. Then suddenly I couldn't breathe; it was like I was suffocating and I couldn't deal with the pain. I could feel the panic rising inside me and I had to say the word, Sean. It was too much."  
  
"Then what?" Sean interjects, his voice a low whisper. "Tell me how you felt right at that moment. Because that's the part where you've not really been honest with me, Viggo."  
  
"No - maybe not completely," Viggo admits, opening his eyes and sitting forward. "I hated myself and I hated you, Sean," he whispers, locking his gaze with Sean's. "I hated how I felt. I hated my weakness and my failure to please you every bit as much as I hated your control and your failure to look after me. Because it was your responsibility to monitor the effects the restraint were having on me - and you didn't do that. I never thought I'd ever need to use the word; I assumed that you'd know as well as me when we were about to cross that line - but you didn't. You were selfish; you put your own needs above my limits - and I hated you for that."  
  
"I'm sorry, Viggo," Sean whispers. "I wish you'd told me all of this before."  
  
"Yeah, well, I didn't think I _needed_ to tell you," Viggo retorts. "I assumed you'd know how uncomfortable I felt - physically and emotionally - without me laying it on the line, because fuck, wasn't that the whole point? Besides, we were both inexperienced with too high expectations and I felt I'd disappointed you enough already."  
  
"No, you hadn't," Sean replies. "Not one bit - you never have and I told you that at the time. I'd had too much to drink that night which affected my ability to keep you safe - and I'm sorry about that." Sean licks his dry lips. "But then you came back - so you must've still cared.."  
  
"Of course I came back!" Viggo shouts, the sound of his voice almost taking him by surprise. "Do you really think I'd do this if I _didn't_ care? Or if I didn't get pleasure from it?" Again Viggo takes a deep breath and leans back into the cushions. "Our weekends were great; they were diverting and exciting and when I was on the plane, it aroused me to think about what you might have planned for us when I got here. I like to think I was open-minded and enthusiastic, even though the more I did and the better I became trained in these scenes of ours, the more you seemed to expect me to do. So now I expect to be restrained and blindfolded so I can't see your pleasure - only hear it when you gift me that. I even expect to have my ass paddled occasionally when I do or say the wrong thing. But I don't expect to be denied my supper - which was my punishment last time I was here - or denied the opportunity to sleep - like I was tonight when you knew I was beat; something you're still doing now, for fuck's sake. This whole dom-sub thing was supposed to be just about sex, Sean, but it's started to define _all_ of our time together - and that wasn't what I signed up for. So what I'm saying is that I can't - and won't - live a submissive life - not even for a weekend - and not even for you."  
  
"Fuck, Viggo, I've never asked you to do that. As you say, its just started to leak into other things we do, but I think that's because the occasional weekend isn't enough; not for me anyway."  
  
Viggo shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Sean, but what we have now is enough for me - in fact its too much. I'm getting tired of the whole thing, to be honest - and I'm disappointed that you're not. I mean, don't you sometimes find yourself wanting to make love that's unscripted or unplanned and with no restraints or pain? I know I do."  
  
"But we _do_ make love," Sean counters, approaching Viggo and sitting down on the edge of the coffee table. "Afterwards, when we've been in a really intense scene, we always kiss and cuddle up and caress each other..."  
  
"No, Sean, that's not making love. What we do - as nice as it is - is aftercare, just like the manual describes. I'm not saying I don't appreciate the way you take care of me afterwards because I do. I love the washing and the rubs and the gentle kisses and soothing balms. I just wish that you did it because you want to care for _me_ as a person - not because convention states that you need to look after your sub."  
  
"But I do all that because I _do_ care about you as a person!" Sean retorts angrily, then checks himself and takes a deep breath. "But that's what it feels like, doesn't it?" Sean asks huskily, suddenly really seeing the fatigue in Viggo's face. "That I do it only because that's what a dominant is supposed to do."  
  
"I'm sorry, but yes," Viggo replies, wanting to reach out to touch Sean but unable to do so. "But like I say, I keep coming back, don't I? Just not as often as I did at the start. Because I need something else in my life too - something that puts me back in balance. Y'know, I always thought when we got together that we'd struggle with who was fucking who, but I guess I never thought we'd fall into this. Not that I was against it at the time - just surprised, I guess."  
  
Sean leans forward, his chest suddenly tight. "Are you saying you've found that balance with someone else?" Viggo doesn't reply immediately and Sean finds himself holding his breath.  
  
"If I was, would that surprise you, Sean?"  
  
Viggo's counter question catches Sean off balance and for a few moments, he struggles to formulate an answer. "Surprise me?" he asks huskily. "No, Viggo. Right now it wouldn't surprise me at all, because I'd deserve it." Sean clears his throat and looks down at his hands which have started to shake. "But fuck, I'd be hurt. Please tell me you haven't."  
  
Viggo shakes his head. "No, I haven't, Sean. I've only ever wanted you. My desire to please you was sincere and from the heart. Everything I've done here I've done willingly, happily and eagerly – and I've learned a lot about myself and how I respond to pain and pleasure." For a moment, he pauses as images of the location of their scenes together – Sean's basement – flood his brain. As he closes his eyes, he can 'see' the subdued lighting and the small high windows. He can see the wooden frame for the half finished floor to ceiling storage that Sean had begun building over a decade earlier, but which assumed a very different role to that originally planned. Viggo can see the mattress that Sean had quickly added so Viggo could kneel in relative comfort while he sucked Sean to hardness. It also gave him somewhere to lie when bound and fucked within an inch of his life - and to cuddle up afterwards and be cared for by Sean... Viggo struggles to suppress a moan at the oh-so vivid memories.  
  
Now he can see the small cupboard where Sean kept their collection of silken ropes, tapes, blindfolds, scented oils and flavoured lubricants. And he can also see Sean's particular favourites; firstly there was the black leather studded collar with matching leash that Viggo would wear when Sean took him already naked down the stairs from the kitchen. There was the black adjustable cock ring which would keep Viggo hard for what seemed like hours and prevented him from coming – which of course was the whole point of him wearing it. But the ring also featured a quick release mechanism that would facilitate climax at just the right time – that is, when he was given permission to come by Sean – and he'd certainly had some incredible orgasms... And finally, there was his own favourite – the purple Japanese silk rope ankle cuffs that Sean would use to keep Viggo's legs as wide as possible as he... Viggo takes a deep, almost shuddering breath and forces the images from his mind. _So much pleasure, so much pain..._ "But now it's different," he whispers hoarsely. "Something has to change."  
  
Sean looks up. "You mean you want to switch?"  
  
"No, Sean – I don't want to switch; I want to stop. I know this'll seem sudden but I've been thinking about it for some time. I want a relationship with you that doesn't involve punishment and pain – and that's non-negotiable. So if you _don't_ want to stop, then I think we're through. You'll have to look elsewhere."  
  
Sean swallows hard and stares at Viggo. "I don't want that," he whispers urgently. "I just want you. But what you're saying doesn't surprise me – not really. I think I've been in denial for a while... But christ, Viggo, you were just so giving and trusting – and I took advantage of that. And I'm still taking advantage, aren't I? Because here we are, talking about this stuff, when you should be in bed. But I swear I never set out to inflict pain beyond what I believed we'd agreed, but the more you gave, the more I wanted. And the more I took, the more I needed; you're like a drug – you're addictive, love... So when you stopped coming over so often, I found I wanted to exert even more control when you _were_ here. But the supper thing was out of order – that was cruel and I'm ashamed of myself for doing that. It's become clear to me now that I had no real idea about what I was getting us into. The buzz of it all took me over and I ceased to think things through properly. But the love was always there, Viggo; don't ever doubt that – please."  
  
 _That's the first time you've called me 'love' in a long time..._ Viggo thinks, his eyes stinging now with emotion and fatigue. "I don't doubt it – and I understand; that buzz took me over too. Yeah, the supper thing was an extreme, but _I_ let it happen, don't forget – _I_ accepted it. Realising that was a key moment for me in reaching this decision. I know it wasn't the Sean I knew who did that, but a Sean who'd maybe lost sight of who he was – as I had too. The last few sessions were much more intense – much more controlling – and I needed to spend more time away from you in between in order to become 'me' again, if that makes sense. I should have said something before and I'm sorry for that."  
  
Sean acknowledges Viggo's words with a brief nod. "Oh, it makes sense alright – and I understand. To be honest, I wasn't sure if you'd come back at all – not after that last time – and I wouldn't blame you if you hadn't. It had gone too far." Sean takes another deep breath and exhales slowly, but his hands are still shaking. "It'll feels strange to think about stopping it all though – and a bit scary," he says hesitantly. "Old habits and all that."  
  
"We won't know what it'll be like until we try, I guess," Viggo says softly. "Question is, d'you want to try?"  
  
"Yes," Sean replies, meeting Viggo's gaze. "Because I want you in my life more than I want any of the stuff we do down there," he adds, nodding towards the door to the basement stairs.   
  
Viggo sighs out a long breath. "I'm glad – because I don't want anyone else. I just want things back on a more even keel where we don't play roles, but can be our real selves again. We'll both have some re-learning to do, I guess."   
  
Sean nods. "I'll have to _un_ learn stuff first before I can re-learn," he murmurs. "Starting with not trying to plan and control every moment we're together and taking things as they come instead. And I'll need to remember that you make all your own decisions. It'll be a bit weird at first – maybe even difficult."   
  
"Yeah, probably," Viggo replies. "But you won't be alone – it'll be weird for me too. We both need to be honest about how we feel, because we're giving up something that's been a big part of our lives for quite a long time. We both need to remember all the good things about what it was like before – like the spontaneity and the fun we used to have. Because we _did_ have fun, Sean; we used to laugh a lot in those early days – even when we made love. It'd be good to have that ease back in our lives and to lose the high expectations of the roles we played. I need to learn to be me again when I'm with you and not hold back on showing that. So I won't be asking permission to do things – and on that note, I'm starting right now by telling you that I'm going to bed because I just _have_ to sleep. Come with me? We can talk more tomorrow."   
  
Sean nods and smiles sheepishly. "Of course you need to sleep – and of course I'm coming with you. And I'm sorry I was such a twat when you got here this afternoon. I could see you were tired but I just chose to ignore it – because I knew things weren't right anymore. I wasn't surprised when you said you wanted to call a halt. I'm just glad you don't want to call a halt with me."   
  
"And I'm glad that you still want _me_. But enough of the apologies now," Viggo murmurs. "We need to move forward and start breaking old thinking and old rules."   
  
"You're right – it's the only way. See? I'm dealing with it already," Sean replies with a wink. "Let's have a weekend just doing weekend things – y'know, sleeping late, having a cooked breakfast, reading the papers, cuddling on the sofa and watching the footie. How does that sound?"   
  
"It sounds wonderful," Viggo murmurs with a sleepy smile. "And I'm up for that – if you're sure you won't be bored."   
  
"With you here, Viggo?" Sean returns with a grin. "Not a chance in hell."   
  
"And I won't be bored either, Sean – I swear," Viggo whispers reassuringly, reaching out and grasping Sean's hand. It was the first time he'd initiated physical contact between them without asking permission in more than three years – and even though it feels a bit strange, it also feels damn good.   
  
Sean stares at Viggo's fingers wrapped around his own, immediately aware of the significance of the simple gesture. He smiles and squeezes Viggo's hand in return. "I'm glad," he whispers. "I love you, Viggo."  
  
"And I love you," Viggo replies, bending his head to kiss Sean's knuckles. "And just in case you were wondering, it'll be a weekend _with_ sex, Sean," Viggo adds with a wink. "Hot, _straight_ sex."   
  
"The start of our new vanilla life," Sean says softly, unable to stop himself.   
  
Viggo snorts and rolls his eyes. "There you go, making it sound like a disease – but don't knock it. Other flavours come and go, Sean, but vanilla is always there – reassuringly rich and smooth and welcoming. The secret's in the recipe, but where you have it – and with who, are important too. And then of course, there's the size of the portion..." Viggo winks, deliberately pausing to slowly lick his lips as he pushes himself to the edge of the sofa. He takes Sean's other hand in his.   
  
"See, Sean, I like sex the way I like my ice-cream – rich and creamy but not too sweet. I like to enjoy it slowly so I taste every drop. Did I ever tell you that the best ever vanilla I ever had was in New Zealand on a warm day in the cool of my rented house? What made it extra special was that I hadn't gone looking for it – didn't even realise it was there – but suddenly it was there in front of me, asking to be tasted – waiting to be enjoyed. And fuck, did I enjoy it... Do you remember that day, Sean? Because every single detail is clear in my mind."   
  
Sean clears his throat again. "Oh, I remember that day, alright," he purrs, and the sharp tug of arousal he can feel deep in his belly at the memory is testament to that. "I remember every moment and every mouthful," he adds, licking his lips and pulling on Viggo's hands as they both stand up. "And everything in my life changed after that." Leaning in close, he kisses Viggo's cheek. "C'mon, Vig – it's time you were in bed and sleeping," he says softly. "Before I suggest we raid the freezer..."  
  
"Yeah," Viggo sighs and pushes his fingers into Sean's hair. "I guess so. But first this," he whispers, before their mouths meet in a deep and hungry kiss, their tongues sliding together in a slow erotic dance.   
  
"That was lovely," Sean whispers as their lips part. "I'd almost forgotten what a turn on it is just having you kiss me like that. Your tongue is wicked, love."   
  
Viggo steps back and smiles at Sean. "Why, thank you, sir," he murmurs teasingly as he takes Sean by the hand and leads him towards the staircase. "There's more where that came from – when I'm more awake, that is."   
  
Sean chuckles. "They say patience is a virtue, and I can wait until morning for more," he murmurs.   
  
"Good," Viggo replies, climbing the stairs with Sean beside him. "Because in the morning I'm of a mind to give you a good fucking before that cooked breakfast you promised; a fucking that's slow, rich and creamy, but not too sweet. That would start the weekend off just perfectly."   
  
"Christ, you're asking me to wait until morning for _that?_ " Sean asks, his voice a low strangled whisper as they reach the top of the stairs.   
  
"Did I just say that out loud?" Viggo asks huskily. "Sorry, Sean – I didn't mean to tease; I'm just so damn tired, I don't know what are thoughts in my head and what are words coming out of my mouth right now."   
  
"It's alright, I forgive you," Sean purrs, stroking his fingers into Viggo's soft hair, "just so long as that was a promise for the morning and not just a thought in your head."   
  
"Oh, it was a promise, alright," Viggo purrs, loving the feel of Sean's fingers massaging his scalp. "It's been _way_ too long since I got you all slippery with my tongue and then sunk my cock into that delicious ass of yours. Hope you've got lube up here..."   
  
"Stop now, Viggo," Sean growls, his belly clenching in response to Viggo's husky words. He presses his lips to Viggo's temple."Please? And of course I've got lube. Now just get into bed and sleep, yeah?"   
  
Viggo nods and yawns. "Yeah, sleep; sounds good. I'll do that. We'll talk – and more – in the morning."   
  
Reluctantly stepping away from the warmth and comfort of Sean's embrace, Viggo quickly cleans his teeth before stripping off his clothes and all but falling into bed with a long sigh. He half watches Sean pick up and fold his discarded clothes before removing his own – and smiles to himself. _That's my Sean..._  
  
A couple of moments later, Sean returns from the bathroom, holding a small bottle of lube in his hand. Placing it on the nightstand at Viggo's side of the bed, Sean smiles down at his beautiful, sleepy lover. "There you go," he murmurs. "Strawberry champagne flavour – all ready for the morning; seemed a fitting choice."   
  
Viggo opens his eyes. "A perfect choice," he whispers huskily. "Now get in here and hold me. There's something else I want to say before I fall asleep."   
  
"Yes, love – I'm doing it," Sean replies, quickly moving round the foot of the bed and then joining Viggo under the covers. He smiles and then shivers as a warm, furry chest presses against his side and an arm sneaks round his waist. "What did you want to say?"   
  
"That it's the pain and the punishment I want to say goodbye to, Sean – not the pleasure," Viggo murmurs, brushing his lips over Sean's collarbone. "Because the pleasure was real and intense and I need you to know that. I mean, there's something very, very special about being naked and blindfolded and then being told what to do and what's going to happen to you by none other than Sean Bean. And there's something quite incredible about wearing the cock ring and feeling the pressure and need build until you think you'll die if you're not allowed to come... So what I'm saying is that there's no reason why we shouldn't add in some special flavours to our vanilla sometimes if we're _both_ of a mind to do that – just not down in the basement anymore. It should always be a flavour that we _both_ enjoy. I mean, we're both fond of strawberries and that raspberry sauce occasionally, and then there's always warm, melted, bittersweet dark chocolate – if you're catching my drift... "  
  
"I think I'm catching it," Sean replies, his mouth suddenly dry once more as he gathers Viggo's body close with a shiver of anticipation.   
  
"Good," Viggo purrs, settling his head on Sean's chest and letting his eyes close. "So there might be a few things in that cupboard in the basement that you might want to bring up here to the bedroom," he whispers, his voice slowing now. "Or stash away in the kitchen just in case the need takes us while we're cooking – or out in the garden. Or even..."   
  
"Or even what?" Sean asks breathlessly.   
  
Viggo doesn't answer, but he's smiling as he slips into sleep.  
  


\-- [END] -- 


End file.
